A friend gave me a disheartening glimpse into her mind a few weeks ago while she drove me home from campus. After asking me what it was like to be in a fraternity with openly gay members, she thoughtfully weighed my response in her head for several moments, then blurted out, “I could never do that. I could never be in a sorority with a lesbian — it would be too weird.”
To keep myself from an outburst, I spent the rest of the car ride in silence. I kept asking the same question in my mind: how was I supposed to break it to her that the Greek letters that represent her—on her jacket, her car and the house she lives and dines in—represent gay people too?
I’ll let everyone in on what is apparently a big secret: there are gay women and men in every sorority and fraternity on this campus. Unfortunately for most of these individuals, they are not members of organizations that accept openly gay members. As a result of this, these gay Greeks are faced with three equally undesirable options: come out in secret to fellow members that they know are accepting, come out to their chapter and hope for the best or hide their sexuality from their fraternity brothers or sorority sisters. A majority choose the third.
Of course, all three of these choices are unacceptable. After all, shouldn’t Greek organizations be the perfect places for gay students to open up and be themselves on campus?
The membership of each sorority and fraternity are bound to each other by vows of unconditional friendship and support. So why doesn’t that translate to sexual orientation?
The bonds of loyalty are unbroken by distance and time, but when a brother holds hands with another man, the train comes off the rails.
There’s no way I know what goes on within the walls of every Greek house on this campus. I’d love to be wrong and find out that every fraternity and sorority is in fact a safe place where members can be open and share their true self with each other. But as I learned from my friend, that’s certainly not the case.
I’m optimistic that this will change, but it will take a considerable effort by every student in the Greek community to create an accepting and safe environment. That’s not easy. I know that firsthand: it’s a role I fell short of when faced with the ignorance of my friend.
If we can take responsibility for overcoming those difficult moments to correct the heteronormative expectations of our peers — whether brothers, sisters or just Greek-affiliated friends — we can guarantee that the Greek community is an accepting place for gay students.
Austin Vitale is a senior public policy leadership major from Moorpark, California.
