Dear Daughter,
As I get older, I realize there are a number of things my mother said to me that I wish I had the sense to believe. She warned me about the curve balls life would throw at me, but for some reason, I still believed life would spare me. I have realized that one day I will have to sit down and tell my daughter some of the same things, but instead of simply telling her what to do, I am going to make it a point to also tell her the reasons why I’m imparting such wisdom to her, such as:
- Be the best you when no one is looking. It is so much easier to be great when you know that someone is watching; the real test is when you know that credit may never be given to you, but you still decide to do your best. Do not do well for the honor from men; do well for the respect you have for yourself.
- Girls are mean. They are not always mean because they feel threatened by you or because you are better than them. Sometimes, people are cruel because that is who they are.
- With regards to number two, never grovel. If someone does not appreciate you, do not beg to be in their lives. It is normal to want to feel loved and wanted, but that does not mean you have to force people to love and want you. Realize they are missing out on more by not accepting you as a friend.
- When someone shows you their real colors, believe them the first time. As girls, we tend to be able to give people chance after chance because we have hope that they will meet our expectations. No. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
- Expectations are a door to being hurt. It is okay for you to have them, but realize that when you expect people to be a certain way, you should be prepared for them to not reach these standards. Expect but never be surprised when your expectations are not met.
- Boys lie. Boys are inconsistent. Boys are bad. We love boys. Gah. They will drive you crazy. One minute, they want you, you want them, and you’re happy. The next minute they are bleh. Most guys are consistently inconsistent. That happens. They are not all bad; they are not all good. Trust your instincts.
- You will get lonely. There will be days where you feel as if no one cares or loves you, but remember, everyone has those days. You just have to find someone who knows you enough to help pull you through.
- Open up to people. You have these walls built because of #2 and #3 and because you have a hard time believing that people really care. God has placed people in your life to fulfill this need; you just have to utilize them.
- You will fail. Falling happens. Sometimes you won’t be the smartest, prettiest or most liked. You are not defined by your quality of grades, number of friends or Instagram likes. Bill Gates is a college dropout, but now, he is one of the richest men to exist. Bradley Cooper was called the ugly duckling, but he is now hot. Extremely hot. Thomas Edison failed 99 times before making a light bulb. Michael Jordan was benched before he became the best. Failures are not roadblocks; they do not mean turn around or park the car. They mean hit the gas pedal and move over these small speed bumps.
- I will fail. This is my first time being a parent, and I will let you down. I cannot promise you that our family will stay together, neither can I promise you that your happiness will be fulfilled through this family. Anytime I mess up, please realize that I am just learning to be a parent, and I am not purposely hurting you.
- Everything is fleeting: beauty, relationships, money and success. The moment you allow your happiness to be defined in these material things is when you are most vulnerable. If at any point one of these things falls through, so does your happiness. Be careful where you invest your happiness.
- Never change who you are for anyone except yourself. If someone does not love you for you, then let them find someone else to love. Do not pretend to be something that you’re not for the approval of others. Be yourself. Accept yourself. Love yourself. And the rest will follow.
Rachel Granger is a junior international studies major from Pearl.
