While we were all wasting away at home this summer waiting to tumble back into Oxford for our livers to waste away, too, The New York Times published an article entitled “Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game, Too,” discussing heterosexual college-aged women hooking up with probably the worst demographic of guys to hook up with ever: heterosexual college-aged men.
The article does a decent job of sort of not slut-shaming; it examines the perceptions of college-aged women who’d rather love you and leave you than love you and lurk on your Facebook when it’s all over so they can stalk their ex’s new girlfriend and weep in his inbox.
Even though it’s 2013 and I’m not entirely certain why anyone under the age of around 195 should compare you unfavorably to young men or question your value as an individual based on something as trivial as your sex life, I’ll present the following questions anyway: Why can’t a girl be a “player?” What is so horrendous about it that it makes us recoil and turn our noses up and forbid our boyfriends from talking to young women who experience a certain amount of sexual liberation?
Honestly, I am in total agreement with everything your conservative Republican great-aunt will probably find sort of skanky about this column — because after a while, liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, if you’ve lived on Earth for longer than 40 seconds, you’ve probably been fed up with some guy’s crap at some point or another. Even if you aren’t the hook-up type, you can sort of see how physical satisfaction free from emotional responsibility could be the most appealing way for some girls to form relationships with guys.
I myself experience the occasional burst of intense exasperation for/burning attraction to young men aged 18-22, but I still don’t really think the best thing to do with your college career is to bind yourself completely — heart, soul, and song lyric subtweets — to one of them. They generally don’t have jobs and they’re generally ridiculous, as, admittedly, all people mostly are at this age. But as a woman, I really don’t think it’s always worth it to go through this ridiculousness with them when there are grades to be made, coins to be earned, calories to be burned, communities to change and personal developments to be reflected upon.
My somewhat cynical side believes that, in short, relationships are really just measured periods of altruism; you’re not responsible for just yourself once you commit to caring about someone’s emotions on a level that supersedes a platonic relationship.(And I totally believe that complete selflessness isn’t worth it with a boyfriend while you’re in college. Family, friends, animals, community service projects, yes – boyfriends, no.)
Plus, unless you’re holding out for that coveted Diamond Diploma, they hold you back in literally every aspect of college that’s supposed to be freeing and exciting and inspire some sort of introspection, like meeting other people and studying abroad (unless you’re one of those idiots who takes your significant other abroad with you, or something). So, knowing all this, but still being a heterosexual human female and desiring sexual contact with men roughly the same age as you are, I don’t think that not desiring a relationship is any reason to deny yourself the opportunity to make out or have sex with a hot guy, or to do any other form of sexual exploration you might enjoy if it’s safe and consensual.
Nor do I believe that you have the right to judge someone who might, especially for a reason as trivial as his or her gender. I honestly feel that getting to know yourself sexually is just as important as any other emotional aspect of getting to know yourself in college, and you have literally thousands of people around to … well, recruit to help hone that knowledge of your body.
Obviously the disclaimer here is that no amount of Age of Aquarius, new wave-feminism, hook-up-culture liberal philosophy will keep you from crying on your floor hugging your dog at 4 a.m. when that certain guy comes along and bone-crushes your feelings into a fine dust. Trust me on this one. We’re all human, after all. We have emotions. None of the aforementioned things grant young women carte blanche to be sexually irresponsible, either.
The point is that although The New York Times thought it necessary to print about what’s seemingly a taboo subject — women enjoying sex the way a young man typically would, oooh — it’s a lot more common than you might think. If you didn’t know already, young women are just as sexually explorative as young men are.
Sometimes we fall in love; sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we have meaningful sexual relationships; other times, we get to brag to our friends about landing the hottest guy in some Greek-letter organization’s pledge class over the weekend; other times, we cry at night over how strong we thought we were supposed to be when it came to that one guy. These things are normal. They happen.
Those of us who might not choose chastity aren’t some peculiar, exotic whore race here to slay the virginal perceptions of the masses and taint what’s “good and pure” in the world. To reiterate, we’re human beings, deserving of respect and consideration and the freedom to choose how we wish to grow, and these things shouldn’t be tinged by ugly, gender-based double standards and harsh and unnecessary judgement.
Sierra Mannie is a junior classics major from Ridgeland.
