Far too often, we allow others back into our lives who have done things in spite of us. These actions usually hurt us emotionally, mentally or physically; however, we tend to disregard the actions because we care about the perpetrator.
This quality is referred to as selfless and unconditional love. It is safe to say that most individuals strive to obtain these qualities in order to find inner peace. The ability to forgive those that have wronged us allows us to flourish. We are able to see life more clearly when we accept what has come to us. Society, itself, thrives on this mantra: Self second, others first.
While I would have to agree that this ideology fosters peace in our community, I would have to argue that there is a difference between forgiveness and allowing yourself to be an “enabler.” Here, “enabler” refers to someone who allows their situation to repeat itself. In respect to enabling others, we all have the obligation to hold those around us accountable for their actions, especially those actions that are harmful to us.
In our pursuit to purge our souls of anger, we tend to paint over our wounds. We invite those that hurt us back in because we aspire to feel at peace within, but it affords them an opportunity to harm us again. This is very clear in cases of infidelity.
Romantic relationships are magical in that they involve a connection between two people who have given up a part of themselves to find another. This affection transcends any levels of space and time. It is for this reason that forgiving a partner who has broken your trust is almost natural and acceptable. Because we’ve placed so much of ourselves into this other person, we hope to reconcile and fix the behavior of the cheater. In essence, we are fixing ourselves by changing them. This, my readers, is not a good habit.
When we continue to allow those partners back into our lives, we are showing signs that their behavior is not bad. We are showing that cheating is routine and acceptable as long as it is followed by “I’m sorry.”
Such behavior is evident in other relationships as well. Friends who tell our secrets, coworkers who expect their work to be done by others and, for educators, students who always have an excuse as to why they haven’t done their homework are all examples of situations we enable by too readily accepting apologies. In order to combat this behavior, it is important that we find ways to forgive their wrongs but not allow ourselves to constantly accept apologies.
Changing the way we forgive others can benefit us just as much as forgiving does. We are able to find our tolerance levels and discover happiness in achieving personal dependency. Our accountability is the door to our happiness and playing the role of “enabler” does not fit this bill.
Holding ourselves accountable translates to the accountability of others. Thus, we do more good in this than we do by allowing and enabling behavior we do not agree with.
KP Maye is a sophomore education major from Gulfport.
