COURTESY: JUSTINA GREER AND QUA SAYLES Left to right, Justina Greer and Qua Sayles
Justina: Before coming to college, I had never been in a serious relationship with a girl before. I really wasn’t prepared for some of my experiences. People can get really invasive and inappropriate, so we’re here to answer a few of those burning questions and to address statements that we hear, unfortunately, all the time.
Qua: So, here’s the deal. I constantly feel disrespected first as a woman and secondly as a woman who likes other women; therefore, I now feel compelled to address this issue by telling you guys things that we do not want or need to hear from the straight world.
1. So, which one of you is the boy in the relationship?
J: Now, this one is one of my favorites, mainly because the answer is so glaringly obvious, or at least I thought it was. This may come as a huge shock but in a same-sex relationship between two girls, there actually isn’t a man. Neither one of us is extremely masculine. People think that for a relationship to be functioning there has to be a male or male figure in the relationship. Some simply can’t fathom that two girls is simply just two girls.
Q: Don’t get me wrong – there are definitely lesbian relationships that fit into this stereotypical lesbian relationship construction. Whether she and I fit into this model isn’t the problem. Having the audacity to ask the question is the problem — it’s rude, as well. But for clarity, neither one of us are men; that’s kind of the whole point of me being a lesbian.
2. How do you guys have sex?
J: Whoa, there. This question is always a little bit awkward for me. I never know how to answer it. I’m extremely sex positive and always willing to converse about sex, but in my own way. This
question tends to make me feel put on the spot. Usually, I get asked in a group setting and I feel a bit sheepish and I get awkward. It’s a very invasive question and I think that if you wouldn’t ask your straight friend that question, then it’s not okay to ask me.
Q: Another one of those rude questions that I absolutely despise. Just like Justina, I never know how to answer this question, and it’s not because I’m unaware of how to have sex with a girl. My answer to this particular question normally sounds something like “Google has all the answers.”
3. You two look so hot together.
J: Yeah, I don’t care. This usually comes from males. It’s not flattering. It’s terribly annoying.
Thanks but no thanks. We’re not dating so we can be visually pleasing to random guys. We don’t date to get attention from guys. We don’t hold hands for attention. We do nothing to please guys. I don’t care that you think we’re hot. One guy even went as far as asking us to kiss. We’re dating each other because we DON’T want anything to do with you.
4. You’re too cute to be gay.
J: I hear this so much that I’ve concluded that true gay people must be horrid to look at. What does this even mean? All I hear when a guy says this is, “You’re cute, and I’m trying to understand why you don’t like me back.” I’m not too cute to be gay. I’m too cute to hear this all the time.
Q: Yo, the absence of logic that is found in this! I hear this from men and women. First, this is not a compliment. Second, I didn’t know that being ugly was a necessary factor to be gay. Three, I think this is a defense mechanism for men. Because I don’t want them (or the entire male species), egos are hurt. So, because of this, they try to make an excuse for my sexuality.
5. Can I join?
J: Ew. Just no.
Q: Ditto. I swear that I have no sexual desire or even the curiosity to even consider letting you join any sexual endeavor I’m involved in.
6. How are you even going to have kids?
J: This question usually comes from girls. I got asked this just last week, actually. Do you people live under a rock? Just because I’m dating a girl doesn’t mean I can’t have children. I mean, the human race was able to clone a sheep. Surely, I can have a baby.
7. You just haven’t met the right man yet.
Q: From men, there’s always this sexual undertone. The entire being of a man is what makes them not right for me. And to quote a person I follow on twitter, “Worry about all the straight women you are leaving unsatisfied.”
Justina Greer is a junior Political Science major from Terry. jgreer2@go.olemiss.edu
Qua Sayles is an international studies major from Water Valley. sqsayles@go.olemiss.edu
