On the verge of graduation and somewhat leaving the only life I’ve really ever known, I’ve tried to compile a list of 23 of the most important things I’ve learned over the years to share with you.
Photo Courtesy: Sidney Williams
Grades
1. Working hard early on in the game makes the ending a lot easier.
Don’t waste your first few years of college with the “I’ll get it done” mindset. Have your fun, but remember that the more you put off for later, the less fun you can have when you’re actually old enough to do so.
2. Suck up and speak up.
I still giggle at the idiots who told me brown-nosing didn’t work in college. Develop relationships with your teachers. Trust me, if you give a little, they’ll help pick up the slack. All a (good) teacher really wants is for you to participate in class. Speak up. Have an opinion to offer. Say it with a little wit, and even if it’s incorrect, the teacher will be sure to note that you helped break an awkward silence.
3. Are you an early bird or all-nighter?
Mama isn’t there to hound you or help you study like she was in high school. Learn early on in the game whether you can get more accomplished late at night or early in the morning and which study buddy (e.g., coffee, Red Bull etc.) you’ll need, because you know as well as I do that midafternoon studying has become a thing of the past.
Body
4. Get your wisdom teeth cut out before you get your braces.
Take it from Dr. Seuss himself: “Teeth are always in style.” From someone who’s had braces and experienced the aftermath and shifts — just go ahead and get rid of the pesky little suckers before you start the process, or you’re sure to experience some crooked results. Trust me, shift happens.
5. Know the do’s and don’ts of hair.
Hey, we all like to experiment with the hairdo, and change can be beneficial! But from someone who’s been red, permed, Bieber-swooped and copycatted — just think about it before you do it. Some decisions are easier to fix than others.
Money
6. Invest in things that withstand the test of time.
I put this right after “Body” because looking back on how many pieces of clothing I bought that I no longer wear just makes me sick! Buy timeless pieces. If you treat your body right, you can get a minimum of 10 years out of one shirt. (And even if clothing may not be your vice, you get the point.)
7. Pay for memories, not solely tangible possessions.
Your house can burn down. Your clothes can shrink. Your iPhone can crack. But your memories can never be replaced. Take a trip with those closest to you. Host events that are more about the experience than the product. Take too many pictures (but don’t always feel the need to show them all to the Facebook realm).
Family
8. Get everything out of your parents while you can.
Yeah, that sounds really shallow and moochy, but whatever. That’s what Christmases are for, dimwit! Get the expensive things you need from them while you can. Student loans can be evil, why buy your own luggage, and Lasik sure does come in handy! Sure, everyone’s financial situations are different, but take what you can get when you can get it. (Thanks, Pops.)
9. Listen to your mama.
Go ahead and try your darndest to pretend like mama doesn’t know best, but I bet you a cookie that that boy she didn’t want you dating was a douche bag. That friend she told you was trouble? Peasant. Just give it a little time, and you’ll see that everything your mama told you would happen totally comes true. She’s psychic, you know.
Relationships
10. Love happens when you least expect it.
Cliché, huh? Everyone will tell you the same thing about “not looking for love when you find it” and blah, blah, blah. But you know what? Stop forcing it and just live your life. Love will meet you somewhere along the way. And when you do get it, know that it doesn’t just get better with time. If you’re having to force it now, or if something isn’t working or doesn’t feel right, giving it time rarely changes or fixes it.
11. Wounds heal, but you’ll have a scar.
As different as your situation is and as dramatic as your breakup was compared to everyone else’s since the dawn of day, that’s one thing that time does fix: wounds. So cry. Let it out. Go ahead and tell your friends how they’re wrong and they don’t understand and that your situation is different, but at the end of the day, (a lot of) time will help that wound scab right on up. Yeah, you’ll have a scar left when it’s all said and done, but that’s just a part of it.
Reactions
12. Silence is the best response to a fool.
While you’re grieving or fuming or whatever you’re doing, just know that everything you say can and will be held against you. Think before you speak and watch what you say and to whom you say it. Really ponder whether your words will come back to bite you or not. And for goodness’ sake, if you are going to let your melodramatic retaliation of words out, don’t write them down. Call and yell at him; don’t text. Cause a scene in person rather than on a Facebook wall. Once it’s written down, all it takes is one screenshot the second before you delete it to ensure it’s permanent public knowledge.
13. Delete your Twitter for a while.
Say what? Yep. Do it. Heck, you have 30 days before you lose all your followers, and there is nothing more embarrassing and harmful than a Twitter in moments of emotional instability. You’re going to tweet something dumb. You’re going to see something that ticks you off (and probably has nothing to do with you in the first place).
Principles
14. You’re not perfect either.
Your argument won’t always be valid. Your heart won’t always be golden. You aren’t always the victim. You’re going to treat someone terribly even when you don’t mean to, just like you’ll be treated horribly at some point(s) in your life. Learn how to apologize and do it sincerely.
15. Things change.
I think the biggest “thing” I noticed about college was the transition. Mindsets change in college. Your eyes will inevitably be opened to things you were once against, just like you’ll decide you oppose the side of an issue you always supported. You will betray your convictions on certain topics, and you can’t beat yourself up for it. This can be good or bad. People who should have been accepted in high school can finally live their lives they way they want to. People who got unnecessary amounts of attention in high school will start to be seen for who they really are (though, let’s face it: popular people are popular, and they’ll probably get just as much attention in college, too). The point is, don’t be afraid of change. Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.
16. Lying is bad.
Unless you’re sending little “untruthful” messages to your professor about why you missed class this morning, absolutely no good comes from a lie. Granted, there are times, especially when dealing with family members or significant others, when timing is more of the issue than lying (yes, it may be better to tell them later than sooner), but lying always makes it worse. They’re going to be mad either way, so take the easy way out and just be honest with people.
17. The random text is powerful.
Take time out of your week to send polite, unexpected text messages (or creepy Facebook inbox messages) to someone who may or may not need it. Don’t you like random, kind words from someone you didn’t expect to contact you? Of course.
But there are some rules to the random text.
1) It’s something to do in private. Only you and the recipient of your kind words should know what you said. If someone else finds out, it should be because your recipient chose to share how kind you were, not because you want the glory or praise.
2) Do not ruin this gesture by sending everyone in your phone a sweet text message on the same day, or even in the same week. The point is to be sporadic and unexpected in making someone’s day (not going through your phonebook with a mass text). If you do, you’re sure to forget someone, and then you look like a prick.
Age/Maturity
18. Jealousy is the ugliest trait.
Be happy for people. If it bothers you so badly, then work harder. Give credit where credit is due. Listen to people who have already done what you’re doing and learn from them. Congratulate people who have more than you or who beat you. Smile to their face and then go talk about them behind their back to your closest friend like a normal person, but don’t look jealous. It’s just ugly.
19. Everyone has a freshman year.
You hate them. I cringe at them. She is one. And they do exist. But you know what? We all had one. It’s just one of those things you have to go through. You have to wear bad clothing with friends who talk too loudly about the wrong things at the wrong time. You have to upload those beach pictures full of underage drinking and swearing. We get it. It happens. All we can do is force a smile their way, offer up advice without appearing to pull the “older” card and pray they grow out of it. But be thankful for freshman year because the only thing worse than 13th-grade immaturity is knowing someone who waited until he or she was 25 to get it out of his or her system. Stick to the status quo.
Friendship
Photo Courtesy: Sidney Williams
20. Four of a kind beats a full house.
While you’re living that freshman year, you’ll find yourself surrounded with a considerably larger number of friends than you had in high school. And, hey, that’s great! Being liked is always a plus. But know who your true friends are. Don’t trust someone just because he or she is fun and doesn’t seem to judge you. Warning sign: the more “fun” you’re having with someone new, the less you should probably trust them. You need a handful of really close friends that you trust, and while you should always entertain other acquaintances, be careful what you say.
Miscellaneous
21. Evening rituals
Take time out of your day to reflect. It will amaze you what a brisk evening walk can do for your disposition. Have a quiet 10 or 20 minutes to think things over. While you’re letting your life choices sink in, remember that there are no right or wrong choices, but rather, the decisions that you take and make right for yourself.
22. Live (with someone) outside the box.
I’ve had three different roommates throughout my college career, and not a single one of them was a white male like myself. Mix it up! Live with someone of another race, gender, sexual orientation or whatever demographic interests you. You will never learn more than you will from living with someone who is somehow different from you.
But above all else, in my 22 years, the one thing that I truly want to share with you, my one problem-free philosophy:
23. You’re never fully dressed without a smile.
No matter what is going on in your life, remember to always count your blessings. Those people who influence you? Put a smile on and be someone else’s inspiration. Stop worrying so much. Everything always works out in the end, so turn that frown upside down and deal with it. You’ll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile.
