Every 21 days, Oxford residents Emily and Lee Durham and Kahla and Thomas Cobb head to doctors’ offices for another round of chemotherapy, waiting for the day it will be the last round.
Emily and Kahla have both lost their hair and most of their energy, but they have gained a friend in the battle against cancer. They text, talk on the phone and discuss what it is like being a mother, wife and patient.
The two women will meet for the first time at a joint benefit concert at 8 p.m. next Saturday at The Lyric to help with the looming costs of cancer. Country artist Pat Cooper will be the entertainment, and admission is $10. There will be additional chances to donate funds at the event.
The proceeds from the event will be split down the middle between the two families and go toward medical bills, lost wages and other expenses.
Between Emily and her husband, they have managed so far, but Lee said the future is uncertain. He said he realizes there will be thousands of dollars worth of medical bills to come.
The two families are barely in their 30s. Both have small children and jobs.
“I’m terrified,” Emily said.
Emily has no history of cancer in her family. At 32, she is 18 years younger than most women who develop breast cancer, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
Shortly after Emily was diagnosed last November, just a few days after her birthday, Kahla heard what she was going through and sent Emily a “breast cancer calendar” so she could keep up with doctor appointments.
Emily discovered a lump in her breast not long after she gave birth to her daughter Chloe. An additional biopsy of her liver in December determined her cancer had spread.
Emily said she would get up and fix her hair and makeup every morning, but as she continued her treatment, her hair began to fall out in strands and then in clumps.
“It was falling out so bad,” Emily said. “Every time I picked up my kids, (my hair) was getting all over them.”
She knew she had to go ahead and shave her hair off all at once instead of waiting for it to fall out. Her biggest fear was what her 6-year-old son would say when he saw her.
“He said ‘Mommy, I love your hair cut,’” Emily said. “That tickled me pink because I thought my own son was going to be terrified of me, but he was not terrified at all.”
Emily’s voice shakes a little when she talks about the future and her children.
“There’s just no possible way I can leave my husband or my children,” she tells herself. “There’s no possible way I can give up.”
Emily said both she and her husband thought it would not happen to them, but they want to urge other women her age to be proactive.
It takes an hour for Emily and Lee to drive to the the Baptist Cancer Center. The chemo takes up most of the day, and although Emily’s cancer is treatable, she will have to continue to fight the rest of her life.
She now has stage four cancer.
“I will never be cured of cancer,” Emily said. “There is a chance of it always showing its face again.”
From the beginning of chemo, Emily said she could not help but feel inadequate as a mother.
The medicinal cocktail she took each month to save her life was also giving her flu-like symptoms. Her bones ached, and at times, she said all she could do was watch her children play.
“My body aches really bad,” Emily said. “My bones just hurt.”
But Kahla’s friendship started making a difference to Emily.
“She had been going through it longer than I had,” Emily said. “I was feeling real down about myself.”
At one point, Emily said she felt lifeless.
“I’ve never been that type of person,” Emily said. “I can’t get up and play with them…It makes me feel like a bad mom.”
Kahla said she felt the same way at times.
“This is only temporary,” Kahla told Emily. “You have to pray to God; he’ll get you through this, and everything is going to be OK.”
Emily said Kahla is inspirational to her and her family.
Kahla said she reached out to Emily as a way to pay a kind deed forward. A total stranger had done the same for her, and she knew she had to reach out.
Kahla said when she heard the similarities in her and Emily’s stories, “it hit home” with her.
Kahla is the owner of Bella Mia Salon in Oxford. She and her husband, Thomas, have five young children. She was diagnosed last September at the age 30, right before her 31st birthday.
She now has stage three-A breast cancer that has spread to her lymph nodes.
Kahla said she is surrounded by people all day, but there is a special comfort in knowing someone is going through the same thing.
“I feel like I already know her,” Kahla said. “It’s hard because we haven’t met…I feel like I already know her.”
Emily’s husband, Lee, is helping plan the concert. He said he is thankful Emily’s type of cancer is very treatable, even though she will have to spend the rest of her life taking hormone therapy.
“Our families would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming, outpouring of love and support from family, friends, neighbors, the community and strangers and ask to be kept in prayers,” Lee said. “I would like everyone to know the importance of cancer screenings, mammograms and checkups with your healthcare provider whether you are feeling sick or not.”
Lee said a tumor may not be evident or present itself until it has grown significantly if it is deep in the breast tissue.
“Anyone is capable of developing cancer, regardless of age, sex, race or genetic disposition,” Lee said.
