I’ve always been on the more introverted side, which you can imagine made my freshman year of college a living nightmare. Friendless, lonely and horribly overwhelmed, I did what any newly-independent young adult would do – I turned to my mother for advice and sympathy.
I recall complaining to her on the phone about how unfair it was that I hadn’t instantly found people I clicked with, let alone achieved the holy grail of “finding my bridesmaids.” My mother, although understanding of my predicament, was surprisingly pessimistic about the odds of me finding lifelong friends in college.
“You know, you might never find people you’re as close with as your old high school friends. You just tend to have fewer friends as you get older,” she said. “I mean look at me – I don’t have many friends. I just have your dad.”
This was a sobering statement to hear. Would I never make another friend that I could go to for meaningful conversations? Was I fated to have a collection of acquaintances as opposed to a partner in crime? It was a possibility I hadn’t even considered. When I stopped and took a look at the women around me, my mother’s statement seemed to ring true: the older we get, the fewer close friends we keep. Perhaps this is due in part to the fact that even today, with more women in the work force than ever, women are more likely to be the primary caregivers in their families; maybe most women don’t have time to have a vibrant, fulfilling social life.
Roughly one year later, I can firmly say that I don’t believe it has to be that way.
While I admire the fact that mother and father have a strong relationship that is fulfilling enough for both of them, I don’t want to grow out of having a female best friend—or several—that I can turn to. My female friends inspire me, challenge me and provide invaluable perspective when I seek their counsel.
When I think about what I want my life to look like, I know that I always want to be surrounded by smart, capable women who will understand what I’m going through at any given phase of my life. When I become disillusioned with post-graduate life, when I’m celebrating a hard won promotion and when I’m in the throes of menopause, I want to have close friends in my corner.
And you know what? Even if we never achieve Taylor Swift-esque #squadgoals, we’ll have phone conversations, laughter and mimosa-fueled brunches, ‘til death do us part.
Caroline Abide is a sophomore English major from Biloxi.
