Enough politics. Let’s talk — well, type, really — relationships. Romantic relationships, that is. We all have them, for better or worse. Some people need them, some don’t. But whatever your views are toward them, you most likely will be in one during your collegiate career.
So, what makes them work? And how can you have a fulfilling connection? Read on, men and women alike. I hope you’ll find something that helps you in this short piece. I’ve tailored it to revolve around college life more than anything, but don’t fret older readers; the basic rules below apply to any relationship or marriage.
No. 1: Solidify friendship. I’m not disputing the one-night stand or love-at-first-sight mentality that is ubiquitous in college life. That is, sharing a connection then quickly establishing a title, or thinking you share that connection. It works for some people. But mostly, I see couples succeed that have a friendship base. The older I get (which is not very old right now), the more I see genuine friendship is key, even over some family.
So this certainly can apply to the foundation of any relationship. It involves true erudition, and often being able to share that awkward silence that mere acquaintances can’t stand. If you’ve got a solid base, it may be easy to break the house that’s built upon it, but starting afresh after a problem is much easier. Particularly given that our rash, young emotions create trivial problems out of thin air more often than our government.
No. 2: Don’t focus on the negatives. Who wants to be around a negative Nancy? No one, that’s who. People like to be around positive people. They seek their time and enjoy their encouragement. Yes, there is a time to vent about your problems, but venting about each others’ weaknesses is not the proper discourse. You’ll find that even between classes, sending a kind word via text or carving time out of your day to give an uplifting compliment goes farther in the long run than a cheap indulgence because you have to.
No. 3: Treat it like a game, and you’ll always be playing one. This should really be No. 1. Why do young people feel this arena is a game to be played and won? Should you call or text first? What should your response time to that communication be? Or just pretending not to care.
These are seemingly all symptoms of our generation’s inability to vocalize and express our true feelings that sure would help our relationship’s honesty meter. If you find that the key to securing a partner involves this game, you’ll be playing one through your whole relationship — and it oftentimes won’t go far, because someone ultimately wins and loses.
No. 4: Respect involves appreciation and listening. Lord, haven’t we strayed far away from this. Selective listening doesn’t cut it. We should listen twice as much as we speak. Yes, women, this still applies to you. If you’re doing all the talking, chances are the other person has stopped listening. Encourage mutual, not one-sided, conversation. Whoever knew your partner knew so much or had so much to say before you started listening?
Respect is not just an Aretha Franklin song; it is tricky, and can easily be taken for granted. “Gentleism,” or however one chooses to spell it, doesn’t die with feminism. There are proper ways to show you care. Learning the gentleman’s code is one of them and showing genuine appreciation toward your partner because those manners being practiced is just as important.
No. 5: Anger, whether alcohol-induced or not, can always be handled better. Yeah, the statistics say you’re drinking, even underage. And you’ll most likely be doing it with your better half, or a group of friends talking about your better half. Either way, it’s best to leave arguments, or anger that stems from them, for another day when cooler heads prevail.
Sounds easy, right? Not really, until you’re there in the moment, running out of the bar crying or furious. Best make that commitment to leave it until the morning; besides, no one wants to hear your fight when they’re trying to have a good time too.
No. 6: Commonalities are important as any other life goals. Couples, even in college, who aren’t sharing goals with each other are missing out. You find out what commonalities exist so you can do No. 4 above and truly appreciate one another, thus allowing you to set aside time to engage in those goals or commonalities together.
You like watching football or hunting, and she likes shopping on the Square. Take the time to do what’s important to the other person; they’ll appreciate you more, and you’ll have more experiences whether you like them or not. Importantly, people who set goals generally have been proven to be more successful — why not let goal-setting and the success that comes with it be a part of your relationship too?
And lucky No. 7: Flexibility over rigidity is key. We have to do things we don’t like. We have to put up with characteristics and traits that may bug the hell out of us. But you know what? Sometimes we have to move on. If you’re getting in thinking you’ll change him or her later, time to rethink your situation and move on. Try to implement some of the above and you may be surprised at just how happy you can be in your newly found relationship.
Cory Ferraez is a third-year law student from Columbus.
