The grass is always greener on the other side. When you compare lawns, it often seems that your yard does not match up with the weed-free, vibrant landscape your neighbor effortlessly maintains. While lusting after our neighbor’s yard, another thing grows inside of us: the need to complain.
When we get together with friends to discuss our yards, inevitably someone starts complaining about the amount of weeds they have. After hearing this, another friend brings up that the west side of her lawn barely gets any sun and it is impossible to grow anything. Not to be outdone, friend number three chimes in with the fact that all of her azaleas are dying from root-rot and she has to dig them up this weekend.
It can be easy to take the approach of pointing out all of the dead spots in our own yard when we feel that we can’t compete with the Jones’ yard. Complaining to our friends about our shortcomings can be both fishing for compliments or searching for appreciation over how difficult our lot in life is.
We point out our flaws with the hopes that our friends will respond with, “What? I think your yard is beautiful, you have the best petunias I’ve ever seen!” or “Don’t worry, you are working hard and I know all that landscaping is going to pay off!”
In actuality, friends are just as self-conscious about their shortcomings and need to hear the same things from you. This can turn into a self-deprecating downward spiral.
This sinkhole manifests itself in a variety of conversations. Different majors have different downsides, and we want to complain so that our friends know that ours are definitely the hardest. Jobs vary, but we want the satisfaction of knowing that our friends “just don’t understand how hard it is.” Nearly every aspect of our lives can be made into a point of competition, and in this downward spiral the one with the biggest thorn in their paw wins.
How do we get out of the complaint ditch that we have dug ourselves into? We all know what to do, it’s just a matter of conditioning yourself to do it: Stop complaining.
When your friends are on the vein of complaining to see whose yard is worst, cut it off, change the subject, or give a compliment instead of a complaint. When a friend complains to you, build her up and resist the urge to prove that you have it worse than she does.
Help your friends focus on the positive aspects of their yard and help them with the weeds when they need a hand.
You will be surprised how your attitude of your own yard changes and how leaving it alone to help a friend actually makes you appreciate its own qualities, even the imperfect ones.
Anna Rush is a law student from Hattiesburg. She graduated from Mississippi State University in 2011.
