In November of 1998, Everlast released a song titled “What It’s Like.” The song tells the story of three individuals and the difficult choices in life that they were forced to make.
One character was a beggar who humiliated himself by begging for spare change. Another character was a young girl who got pregnant and had to get an abortion. The final character was a drug dealer. Ultimately, the song challenges the listener to fully consider another person’s circumstance and to “walk a mile in their shoes” before judging them. More importantly, the song implies we should not judge people at all.
This summer I had an experience that gave me great insight on “what it’s like” to come out as a homosexual. A good friend of mine came out to me after we, coincidentally, had just finished watching a movie about the tale of two friends seeking employment with Google. As we left the theater, he began recalling previous events that had taken place. I noticed that his voice began to crack and he grew nervous. Somehow I had this intrinsic feeling about what was about to take place.
Somehow I just knew that he was about to “reveal” his sexual orientation.
Finally, after many starts and pauses, he came out and said it: “Tim, I’m gay.”
His facial expression was filled with uncertainty, fear and utter disarray.
I responded like any real friend should respond: “So what? You’re still my guy. Period.”
After that we said our goodbyes and drove back to our respective homes. However, during my drive home I deeply pondered what had just happened and the immense courage that my friend had just displayed.
You see, as a heterosexual male, I will never have to explain my sexual orientation to someone. I will never have to risk losing friends, family members or job opportunities because of my sexuality. I will never have to work up the courage to tell my parents or close friends that I am a heterosexual. In fact, it is a privilege that I readily enjoy. Most of us here enjoy this privilege. But, like many other societal privileges, we often dismiss them because, frankly, we are unaware of them. My friend’s coming out taught me about my own privilege of being heterosexual. In addition, he bestowed upon me a new sense of respect for the many individuals who have to come out to their loved ones, while not knowing what the outcome will be.
The purpose of this piece is to not condemn homosexuality or support it. Matthew 7:3 says, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” I have enough to deal with in my own shortcomings. I simply put forth this perspective to offer insight on “what it’s like” to have a good friend, more like a brother, come out to you. It is an experience that I will forever cherish.
I simply ask that people consider “what it’s like” to come out or be considered a social pariah before spewing hateful language toward individuals of a different sexuality. In fact, I am not even asking anyone to change your position on the issue of homosexuality. Just pause and empathize.
Tim Abram is a senior public policy leadership major from Horn Lake.
