Few things get under my skin quite like the phrase “more than friends.”
While culturally it’s become short hand for romantic involvement, it also reveals something that I find incredibly problematic: the systematic devaluing of friendships.
I know that friendship has its place in our cultural understanding, but take a moment to consider the way romantic relationships are prized in American society.
Marriage is often considered the ultimate goal for two people in love, and now that same-sex marriage has been legalized, this opportunity is available to more people than ever before. Believe me, I find this prospect very exciting, but simultaneously a little disheartening.
Regardless of your views on religion, marriage as an institution is seen as the ultimate symbol of commitment and the true legitimization of a relationship. Love is considered the prize, and marriage is the finish line.
But I also love my friends.
I may not be “in love” with them, but to have to qualify that I am “just friends” with someone is a linguistic quirk that implies that friendship is inherently lesser than romantic relationships. I met my two best friends in eighth grade, and we’ve been inseparable ever since.
They know things about me that not only could a casual acquaintance not know, but things that I might actively try to keep hidden from other people, and they still love me anyway.
Why they put up with me in eighth grade (who was really just like current me but a bit shorter and more volatile) I’ll never know, but the relationships that I have formed with my friends have helped me grow into the person I am today. I have to thank them for that.
Friendship can be based upon superficial things, certainly.
We all have that acquaintance from class that we’ll speak to in that room and never make real world plans with, but this does not take away from the validity of true, deep friendships.
Like a romantic relationship, they should be based on trust and mutual respect. If you like to watch the same things on Netflix, that certainly doesn’t hurt anything either.
Just because you don’t want to sleep with or get married to your best friend doesn’t mean that you can’t have important conversations with them. That you don’t run to them with your problems or your six pack whenever you have the time.
Think about your best friend, and if you haven’t reached out to them in a while, you’ve got a cell phone and no excuse.
I know that college is a time of flux and uncertainty for everyone, and making new friends and romantic partners is simply par for the course. All I suggest is that in our rush to find someone who “really gets us,” we don’t overlook those people with whom we aren’t interested in being romantically involved.
Humans are social creatures, and support systems of all kinds are valid if they help you navigate your world more successfully.
While I’m not “in love” with my friends, I know that I love them and that they love me.
If the Beatles are right and that really is all you need, then I’m not going to let societal dictates of which kinds of love are more important trip me up, and I hope that the sentiment spreads.
